i permit you to call me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
