He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
