Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
