I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
