ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
