shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
