summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
