You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
