Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
