hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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