We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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