yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
