He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize