My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
