when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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