mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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