ya dads aren't the best wingmen
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
