How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
