I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
