I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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