You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
