I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
