the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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