please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
