I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
