he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
