and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
