It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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