Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
