he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
