Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
