just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
