we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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