I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
