He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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