Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
