U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
