who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
