yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize