I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize