she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
