In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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