I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
