i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
