if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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