Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
