...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
