You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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