FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
