put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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