I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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