Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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