so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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