I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
