my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
