my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
