$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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