Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
