I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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