But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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