Need sex. Gaining weight.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
