that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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