He told me they were just razor bumps!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
