how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
