well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
