I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
