I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
