Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
