I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
