The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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