Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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