I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Little spoons don't ask big questions
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
