Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
