Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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