remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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