Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
