I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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